2014 – the year of the wild horse isn’t yet over for me

2014 was an intense year. So many people I know on Facebook have been giving 2014 one word to describe and sum it up. But for me, one word really isn’t enough.

I’m not trying to be greedy. I’m actually still processing it. I am perhaps the only one who feels 2014 isn’t yet over. Maybe because for me, 2014 in Chinese Astrology was the year of wild horse and technically, it isn’t yet over – I’m still processing! (I’m a horse sign too).

The Chinese calendar is based on lunar cycles with each month beginning on the darkest day. Because of this, the Chinese calendar has a variable number of months in a year and the start date differs each year.

So although we have just started 2015 in the western / solar / Christian / Georgeian calendar today (01.01.15), according to the eastern / lunar / Chinese calendar it’s actually still 4712 -> the year of the wild horse doesn’t actually end until 19th February 2015.

I don’t really understand the significance of what year we’re in … 2015 vs 4712. All I know is there is a thick fog still over me. It still feels heavy. I’m still feeling my way through but don’t yet know the way. I’m still transitioning and I don’t want to pretend that I’m not. I feel like I’m still riding a wild horse and she’s deep within me – creating havoc and I actually don’t mind. I’ve learnt to follow her.

For me 2012 was the year of the ‘unexpected tsunami’, 2013 ‘lost on the ocean’ … and in 2014 I discovered, I actually don’t like floating on the sea. I much prefer diving deep into the ocean.

The change in reality from floating lost on the ocean (trying to control the seas), to discovering … actually I kind of prefer diving and discovering the underwater world – is like, trying to change the way you breathe or walk.

It’s hard. Because although I love this new world, I can’t seem to stay in it. Like I haven’t quite learnt how to control my buoyancy and I keep floating to the surface. I’m needing to dig deep to find and activate muscles that still feel foreign to me. Sometimes I think what I’m doing doesn’t make sense, but where I came from no longer makes sense either.

A part of me is scared I’m going to miss out on seeing something if I’m not floating on the ocean, but there is a world deep within that I have forsaken all these years.

The year of the wild horse isn’t yet over for me. I’m in between realities. Still in transition. I know I love diving but don’t yet trust my ability navigate and survive.

But the ocean is calling and I’m coming. What ever that means.

To be continued … in year 4713.

thaoski-dolphin

Photo taken in Langkawi, Malaysia – 2013.

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