RUSH: When a movie inspires you to revaluate your life …

To this date, 31.12.13, I have lived my life with too many regrets.

It saddens me to admit it. I wish I was more courageous, I wish I was more of a risk taker, I wish I had the balls to just do whatever I wanted.

I just finished watching the movie Rush on the plane while flying over Alice Springs, Australia at 924km/h at local time 20:43 on 31.12.13.

For those that don’t know, Rush is a movie based on the true story of a great sporting rivalry between two F1 drivers, James Hunt (Hemsworth) and Niki Lauda (Bruhl) during the 1970s. If you haven’t watched it, you must – it’s incredible!

I cried watching watching the movie. It was so intense for me. There were times where I couldn’t even watch the screen, or I had to remove the headphones cos the sound would make me feel nauseous and sick.

My favourite line in the movie is when Lauder, hops on the plane and his wife ask’s him if he’s ok after losing the world championship. His response? “No regrets. Not one”.

I was brought to tears by so many factors. Lauder gets into an awful accident but his his focus, determination and commitment to get better and race again is incredible. Despite the pain, how he looked or what anyone thought … he pushes himself beyond what most people probably thought was humanly possible.

His commitment and determination brought me to tears. And how he used Hunt (his rival racer) to fuel him to get better.

The story is so beautifully told, that by two thirds the way through, I realised how lacking my life is.

I get that I’m not a formula 1 driver. I’m not meant to be.

But a part of me yearns for that yearning to be the best at something …
I yearn for the desire to be so clear and focused and determined about what I’m ‘suppose’ to do in life, that I won’t crumble at the first sight of pain. I won’t give up at the first moment someone judges me. I won’t close down and run away when things are difficult. And I won’t question and doubt my way of doing things.

But I live with so much fear.

I’m so busy trying to control so many aspects that a) I’m no longer living and b) all the aspects I’m trying to control aren’t even what I want – ie. it’s not really part of my life purpose.

So what is my life purpose? Since the age of 21 I’ve always said, it’s to be a catalyst for transformation. What does that actually mean? I still don’t really know.

But I get the feeling that inside, that I should be doing so much more with my life. Actually should is the wrong word. My heart yearns to do so much more with my life.

“I want to inspire people. I want to leave a legacy. I want to do some good. I want to leave this world knowing that I have made an impact. That I changed someone’s life. That I made a difference. Although everything will keep on moving and changing when I die, I want to know that there was a moment in time where my soul and heart was seen and heard and the universe revelled in the beauty I brought to the world. I want to be a shining star in the sky that someone wished upon. And their wish came true.”

I want to do that for everyone. Is that even possible? I doubt it. And how would I do that? I really don’t know.

I am moving into the new year, 2014, with more questions than answers.

In this moment, my heart yearns for so much more than the fullness it currently has.

But perhaps that is what both Lauder and Hunt had in common, they both yearned for more out of life. Both lived their lives very differently, but both chased life for the experiences they wanted.

I feel this blog post makes less and less sense the more I write and read it. I’m still trying to work out my own thoughts and make sense of my tears. I love how a movie can do that, move me to tears and make me re-evaluate my life while I’m thousand of kilometres in the air (currently flying with an altitude of 11583m, it’s 23:11 in Sydney about to fly over the Timor Sea).

Despite my lack of clarity in this moment, what I take from it is … “I want to bring so much beauty into this world and I want to be the shining star in the star that someone wished upon. And their wish came true”.

That’s my goal for 2014. Not sure what that means but I’m open to chase the experience that encapsulate being a shiny star in the universe.

Happy New Year! Thaoski is back. I’m different to when you last saw me (lots to update you on) but I’m back. Chasing dreams and telling stories.

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3 Responses to “RUSH: When a movie inspires you to revaluate your life …”
  1. Bill says:

    On a flight at the same time (different part of the world) I was excited to see Rush listed as the top recommended film for the flight. I must have scrolled through the full list of films 3 or 4 times but couldn’t find it available to watch. They’d updated the in-flight magazine, but not the list of films on the system. In disgust I turned of the screen and slept for the entire flight.

    But, I can relate to your blog post for more than just the film title (which is downloading now). I’m looking forward to reading, and maybe commenting, just a little more in 2014. Hope it has started well.

    • thaoski says:

      Thanks Bill. 2014 has been much better than 2013 and I’m very grateful for that : ) Did you end up watching Rush? Let me know what you think of it when you do : )

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