The birth and death of friendships
A boy made me cry last week.
I was a little shocked because a) I didn’t know he had that affect on me and b) I can’t remember the last time I cried over a guy.
It was weird. The last conversation we had he said “I won’t let you down”. And then he stood me up.
It was the first time I’ve ever been stood up and also the first time a guy has promised he won’t let me down over a coffee (note to self: be weary when a guy says they won’t let you down .. it’s like they are setting both you and them up for a fall!).
I remember sitting in the cafe sipping on my yummy latte. Ten past three. My gut feeling knew he had forgotten about me. I called his mobile and found out it was true. I hung up and a wave of sadness and disappointment came over me.
Let me put a few things into perspective. Michael and I are just friends. We have only ever been friends. Nothing sexual has ever happened between us though I did think of him in that way sometimes. He was a guy I met about 5 years ago and somehow I just felt really comfortable with him. He saw the best in me and I of course liked that. He was there for me during some emotional times and I was really grateful for his friendship.
Because we had this connection I would always make time to catch up with Michael when I was in Sydney. He would tell me about his crazy life, the girls he was dating, how his business was going and his next big deal. I would talk to him about my family, my travels and my latest hobbies and obsessions. To me he was the guy that would never grow up and I loved that about him. Being around him made me feel like I could stay young forever too.
This time was different.
I called him out of the blue (like I usually do) to catch up and found out some big news. He was now married with a daughter (it’s amazing how much can change in 2 years!). I was completely shocked. The boy who would never grow up finally became a man. On the surface I was happy for him but I didn’t understand why I felt disappointed inside. 2 seconds later my brain clicked in … “Holy Crap! After all this time … are you telling me you have a crush on this guy?” … gAHHHHHHHHH!
To be honest the feeling of disappointment was very short lived. I got over it pretty quickly. Well … I did until he stood me up a couple of days later. That’s when it occurred to me. I’m sad because I’ve lost a friendship. I can no longer have those long conversations with him. He can’t just pick me up after work to hang out. I can’t flirt with him anymore and he can no longer be there for me the way he use to.
His priorities have changed and of course his family now comes first. I totally understand and respect that. It’s just the selfish part of me wishes I could still have the friendship we once had. For better or for worse, it’s like the birth and growth of ONE amazing relationship = the death of many little friendships (aka little relationships). The reverse is also true. The death of ONE meaningful relationship = the birth of many new friendships. One is not better than the other. It’s how we cope, let go and embrace change that makes all the difference.
After he stood me up I went out and did some retail therapy, bought 2 new dresses and then hopped on a plane to Thailand. Little did I know at the time, as I was saying good bye to one friendship, new ones were about to be formed in Thailand. I can honestly say I met some truly amazing people at Van and Garry’s wedding and hope to see them all again real soon.
Photograph by Mr S – taken at the resort it Thailand @ Tubkaak Beach.
ps. His name is not really Michael though everything else is true.